"Woman told not to travel alone". Men told to drive her home safely or to pay her more for hiring taxi.

                                                     “Woman was told not to travel alone”.

Page 2 and 4 on HT today are disturbing. They are after all  “crimes against women” pages and it’s filled with the usual suspects – disabled female kids being abused by peon, woman stabbed in the local train in Mumbai, step father sexually assaulting daughter and the types. But what is hilarious is the headline on page 4 “Woman was told not to travel alone”.  

                A woman who was travelling by the local Bombay train at night in the woman’s compartment was stabbed to death randomly by some random guy. The security guard in the train did what he could and assures us that he told the woman not to travel alone. Guard ji, I understand where you are coming from.

                In our land, women are told a lot of things keeping their own safety and security in mind. Society (family) is forced to take action and tell things to women, since the government or whatever system of security/ transport that should be in place has badly failed and is totally beyond repair. Most of us are told to get married and be under the protection of other men. But men who marry us are also told things. They are expected to provide the “pick up and drop” transport service (much to their annoyance), a duty that was previously attended to by paternity. The travails and tribulations of the dutiful male population that attends to this service are rarely spoken about. I remember that my father was hugely annoyed by the fact that he would have to pick me up at 10pm from tuition classes in my 12^th standard whenever the van guy didn’t show up. My amma would comfortably watch telly and tell my dad to go fetch me. My appa even uses the term “service” to indicate the whole transport provider role. Like, if you asked him what he did on a day he was at home and amma had to go to work, he’d say, “service providing”.  (Please keep your double entendre giggle about the word service aside. Double entendres are so passé).

                I’m sure when we newly date people, our boyfriends are happy to have us hug them close in their bikes – so the whole transport thing is all right. But sooner or later, in some marriage/dating situation comes this issue of “why can’t you just travel in the day light and come back before sun down (like little sparrows do!) and use public transport?”  Then we’re forced to look at bus timings and commute really long hours for a cup of coffee with a friend, whilst subconsciously also dressing appropriately for public transport. In Bangalore, because this commute will take two hours minimum one way, we just skype our friends. (I am sure you are saying, “take an auto”. I am saying “Pay me more”. ) This situation creates an environment like I’ve heard exists in the middle east – where women have to be driven around by men. And it works really well for me, except someone please ask the men to comply more often and to do it with a smile.

                Guard ji, had this woman not died after random weirdo stabbing incident, she would have told you that her husband / brother / dad was too lazy to come with her (“Arre! Tum train pakad ke aa jao, kuch nahi hoga”). Maybe she’d also love to be home before sun down, heck – even at noon, gupshup-ing with the neighbours and going swimming / knitting – its really unfortunate that she has to put food on the table and work. Guard ji, simple solution: pay women more, give us lesser hours and free cable tv :P